Gettysbur6 Island: The Virus
by awesomenesshasar
Summary: When a virus spreads through Gravity Falls, it turns everything it touches into only an extremely illiterate, poorly grammared, extremely unpleasant version of itself. Now the twins must find a cure. Filled with plot holes, terrible grammar, random musical numbers, and constant bashing of the Fourth Wall! Enjoy!
1. Gideon, the Idiot

A/N: This idea came to me a little while ago, when I was reading some Gettysbur6 Island one-shots. I thought about what'd happen if a virus leaked into Gravity Falls and it turned them into Gettysbur6 Island versions of themselves. Now, without further ado, the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls, or the brilliant one-shot series by clicheusername1234.

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Deep within the depths of a dark cave, located on Gettysbur6 Island in Gravity Falls, the epitome of all darkness lurks. This darkness is a virus only discovered by the extremely stupid- er, brave and adventurous. It consumes all of the matter surrounding it, turning everything it touches into only an extremely illiterate, poorly grammered, extremely unpleasant version of itself.

This virus was created by only the most wicked, evil person who could ever exist- Bill Cipher. In an attempt to create a deadly disease to destroy everything it touched, the virus was a failure, and he hid it in a place only an idiot would dare go.

Oh? Someone has entered the cave. Gideon?! What's he doing here- I mean, Gideon Gleeful entered the cave, panting from his near capture by the police a few minutes ago. Why he came into this one, I will never know. Gideon sat down, and wiped his forehead.

"Phew! If I stay in here long enough, maybe I can lose 'em." He said to himself, unaware of a dark substance lurking towards him. It slowly crawled up the rock, and attached itself to him. Gideon felt this, and tried to scrape off whatever had gotten onto his back. It only clung tighter, and he howled in pain.

"GET OFF M-" His cry is cut short when it pulled itself over his mouth. Now, he frantically tried to tear it off, but it doesn't even budge as more and more of it covered him. He fell to his knees as the last part of him was consumed by the rest of the virus.

His body lay, covered by it, unmoving and cold. Then, the virus slowly crawled off of him, though staying close enough to admire it's handy work.

Gideon slowly rose, feeling different, in a bad way. Finally he spoke.

"wut hapent 2 me" giddyin axet. He screamed when he heard himself.

"WUT Y M EYE TAKINE LYKE THIS" giddyin exlaimet. he freaket out evn moor wen he hurd a hissin laff

The virus seemed to cruelly smile as Gideon- I mean, giddyin cowered in fear. It spoke in a hissing yet soothing tone as giddyin felt afraid.

"Good. It was a success! I've waited thousands of years for someone to come in here so I could finally get out of this cave!" The virus said. The virus then glared at the author, and snarled, "You could at least call me by my name, you know."

The author decided to ignore this and keep on typing. Sighing an exasperated sigh, the virus turned back to giddyin, who was confused by the transaction between the virus and the seemingly invisible figure of authority.

"whoo r u" giddyin axet nurvuslee.

The virus smirked and replied, "Oh, I'm the Gettysbur6 Island virus, but you can call me Geisvi for short."

giddyin coket hiss hed en convushun "r u a boi or a gurl" he axet. Geisvi thought about this for a moment and shrugged.

"I don't think I'm either. But I guess you could say I'm whichever you want to believe I am." He- She- It answered.

giddyin axet anuthur qweschun. "wut doo u wont mee 4"

Geisvi smiled and said in a sinister tone, "I want you to bring me out into the world, so soon, everyone will be consumed by me! And they will know the name GEISVI FORVER!" It cackled madly for a moment, before giddyin spoke up.

"whur shood eye gow" Geisvi thought for a moment, before grinning evilly.

"Bring me into Gravity Falls."

* * *

Dipper sighed. It had been several days since Stan had taken his journal, and whenever he asked Stan about it, he would either ignore him, or play dumb. What the heck was up with him these days? He seemed more secluded and secretive, and it bugged him to no end.

Mabel had also been working on more advanced techniques with her grappling hook, though most of them involved one of them either dangling from a high place, or in extreme pain, both of which were situations he'd rather not be in, since he was in that position a few days ago.

Dipper then heard a strange noise outside. It sounded like the mix between a computer turning on, and demons being summoned from hell. Overall, not a pleasant sound.

He stood on top of the dresser, and peeked outside the window. In the front yard, Gideon stood, staring straight up at Dipper. Dipper yelped, jumped down, raced downstairs, and screamed Stan's name.

"STAN! STAN! GIDEON'S BACK! GIDEON'S BACK! MABEL! WENDY! SOOS!" His voice cracked, and he looked around the gift-shop. Oddly enough, Stan wasn't there. Mabel was talking with Wendy, who was reading a magazine, but seemed to be listening intently. Soos was sweeping a small spill of what appeared to be grape juice, although no one told him that you can't sweep grape juice.

They all turned towards him, extremely alarmed by all his sudden shouting.

"What?!" Mabel exclaimed, and Dipper shouted again.

"Gideon's back! He's in the front yard! Grab a weapon or something! Anything to defend yourself!" They all followed suit, Mabel pulling out her grappling hook, Wendy grabbing the baseball bat kept behind the counter, and Soos holding the broom defensively.

Dipper grabbed a stool nearby, and they all let out their best battle cries as they charged outside, ready to attack the nine year-old without hesitation. They were all surprised when they found there was no one outside in the front yard.

"What? How is that possible? He was just here a minute ago! Check around the shack to make sure he isn't hiding!" Dipper exclaimed. They all looked around for a minute, but didn't find him on the premises. Mabel was a bit confused, but still wary.

"Dipper, are you sure it wasn't just a hallucination or something? You have been paranoid lately." Soos said softly. Dipper sighed.

"But he was right here. I swear I saw him!" He protested. Mabel nodded, and so did Wendy.

"Alright Dipper. I believe you. I'll keep an eye out for that little creepazoid." Mabel said, and pounded a fist against her other palm for emphasis. Wendy smiled, and agreed.

"I know Dip. It's fine. If he comes anywhere near here, I'll beat his a-" She stopped, blushing for a moment. "Sorry. I probably shouldn't swear around you guys."

"Yeah, well, if I see that kid's face, I'll, uh, um, punch him or something? Sorry, I'm not that good at threats." Soos tried. Dipper smiled at the reassurance from his friends.

"Thanks, guys." He thanked them, and Soos shouted "Group hug!" before none of them agreed to do it. He mumbled about 'never knowing the right time, and they all headed back inside.

None of them noticed a small black worm-like thing slithering towards Soos, and climbing onto him.

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A/N: And the first chapter is done! Yay! *swirls around in chair for a moment* Ugh, that always makes me feel sick. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this, and please review!


	2. Dipper, The Mystery Solverer

A/N: Thanks everyone who reviewed! I'm glad you people like it! Here's the chapter! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls or the brilliant one-shot series by clicheusername1234.

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giddyin chukeld 2 hmslef wyle gayesvee wuz ploddin

"Good job, you gave that boy something to be afraid of. I've attached part of myself to the fat one. Soon, he'll be taken over by the virus. Then I'll get the rest of them before my beautiful virus has spread EVERYWHERE!" Geisvi let out a triumphant laugh, even though none of what it's planning is remotely funny. Why do villains laugh at what they're doing, anyway? It's never funny.

"Oh, shut up! We just do it because it's uh, um, uuuh, well I honestly don't know why we laugh. I guess it's just customary." Geisvi replied, and the Author thanked them for the answer. Geisvi muttered, "Your welcome."

"wut doo wee doo naow" giddyin axet

"Sheesh, you sure ask a lot of questions. Look, we need to get into every place around here, because we need to find the journals. They're the only things that can stop me from spreading everywhere." They explained. giddyin nodded and smiled.

"wel i now whur id is" giddyin sed. Geisvi perked up at this. "Oh, really, now?" They said with a sly grin. giddyin nodded.

"ya, satan haz thum we haf 2 stele thum sow u can tayke ofur" giddyin ecsplaned

"Perfect! Wait, how did you know that? Weren't you, like, in jail or something? How'd you find that out?" Geisvi asked, and the Author immediately slapped them, because this is an important plot point, and they shouldn't be trying to critiscise the Author, because she is beautiful, talented, amazing, and totally not self-centered. Seriously.

"You're not that great." Geisvi grumbled, rubbing what is presumably its head. The Author decided now would be another good time to slap its head again. Yelping in pain, they rubbed their head.

"Do you have to do that?!" They groaned. The Author nodded and said yes.

"Gee, I'm sorry I asked," They said. "Now, I'm going ignore you so that I can get on with my plan." giddyin just tried to accept what looked like Geisvi talking to themself. "No, you shut up!" They shouted at what seemed to be nothing. Maybe staying in that cave for so long made him a bit... lefty-loosey in the head.

"hay, y r u tokkin 2 urselv" giddyin inqyred. Geisvi didn't answer that question, he was just sick and tired of that annoying Author and wished she would go away. Unfortunately for Geisvi, the Author had absolutely no intention of leaving, so they'd have to suck it up and deal with it.

"Dumb Author. Anyway, giddyin, the plan may sound complicated, but it's in fact very simple." Geisvi started, and explained the plan to him. The Author decided not to recall any of the plan. She totally has it planned, why wouldn't she? She just feels it's too early in the story to reveal anything. Seriously, if you're just going to question everything, get out. What?! No, she's NOT being rude, you're just way too sensitive! Go away! Now the Author is going to ignore you. La la la, she can't hear you!

* * *

Dipper was sweeping the gift-shop floor, trying to forget about Gideon's sudden appearance. What was he doing out of jail? Was he trying to get back at them? Well, of course, but what would he try to do to get what he wanted? Sighing, he set the broom back in it's place. Maybe he had been so wrapped up in trying to get back to normal he'd hallucinated it?

He sighed again, and turned to face the door. He sat down, and started to sing. Why do you look confused? The characters can sing. I guess. *To the tune of Let it Go

_"Well, here I am, one more time. I thought he was gone, but I'm not right. __Now my Grunkle has been acting strange, I wonder what made him change._" He started, but heard a yell from somewhere in the shack.

"No singing about your feelings and inner conflicts in the gift-shop!" Stan shouted. Dipper groaned at this, and continued quietly.

_"Everything's different now, I think it's changed somehow. It's pretty weird, I can't figure it ouuuut." _He paused taking a breath._  
_

_ "Don't stop it now, I'll go, I'll see! I've gotta try and solve this mystery! The clues are hard to find, __ that's so, but I should knooooow!" _He threw off his hat into the air, and left it as it landed where he was once sitting. _"I will know! I will know! So many mysteries in store! I will know, I will know! Is there something behind that door? I don't care what the Author will say! Let the mysteries come, if I get lost I can always turn the page." _

Feeling a bit more excited, he continued, running outside, while still singing.

_"it's funny how some strangeness, can make me feel so calm. And the fears that once nagged at me, well I can't hear them at alll!" _He rushed over to the trail that lead into the forest, and took a few steps forward on it, before stopping in front of a tree. _"It's time to see what else is new! To test my limits, figure out mysteries, yes it's true! Nothing else is too hard for meee!" _

Being a bit hesitant, he started to climb the tree. _"It's eaaasyyyy!" _Getting ahead of himself, he climbed more of the tree. _"I will know! I will know! I can almost touch the sky! I will know! I will knoow! I can figure it out this tiiime!" Here I stand, and here I say," _He paused on one of the branches to catch his breath, smiling to himself. _"Let the mysteries cooome." _Felling a new burst of energy, he climbed higher and faster, until he was almost at the top.

_"I'll figure it out, I will know everything about this town! With my friends by my side, we will stand our grouuund! And though I have solved all sorts of mysteries in the paaast,"_He stopped again, looking at how far he had come up the tree before continuing. _"I cannot go back, this is a mystery I have to craaaack! I will know, I will kn-_ AAAAAAAAH!"

His musical number was cut short when a branch he had tried to climb wasn't good for him to hang onto, as it was weak, and he hit a few branches before clinging onto a strange looking branch. He took a few deep breaths to try and calm himself. "C'mon! I can do this! One! Two! Three! Hnnngh!" He tried to climb the branch, but felt he lacked the upper body strength at the moment.

"Ugh, you've gotta be kidding me! How did I just climb the tree a minute ago if I can't do it now?" He cried. He felt his grip begin to loosen, and gasped. Before he could react, he let go of the branch, and fell to the ground. He hit the ground, and groaned a bit. "Ow." He muttered. He stood up, and leaned against the tree for a moment. He was surprised when he heard a metallic sound come from it when he leaned against it._  
_

"What? Is this.." He trailed off, and moved his hand across it, feeling a crack in it. He dug into it, and opened the small door. It was the tree that he'd gotten Three from! He looked back up at the branch he'd been holding onto. It also seemed a bit off. It seemed to shine, almost as if it was metallic. Dipper decided he would have to find out more stuff about the tree, but he heard Stan calling his name.

"Dipper! Hey, kid! It's time to eat!" Dipper closed the small door, deciding he would have to explore it later. He quickly rushed out of the forest, an saw Stan standing in his boxers.

"Hey kid, where were you? I've been calling your name for fifteen minutes." Dipper batted a hand, blushing.

"Well, I was, uh, just exploring the uh, forest a little bit, and um, seeing what I could know about them." He lied. Stan nodded and urged him inside.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." Dipper wiped his brow, glad he bought it. "Hey, after dinner, I need to talk to you about something. It's really important." Dipper gave a confused look, and Stan walked away before he could say anything else.

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A/N: Well, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I'll probably put more musical numbers in when it's the absolute worst- I mean, best time! Heh, you bought that, right? *crickets chirp* Dang it. Oh well, please review!


	3. Wendy, The Badass

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! Prepare for more insanity and craziness ahead! Also, if any of you have any random musical ideas, just PM me or post a review! And there are probably going to be nods to certain things from clicheusername's Gettysbur6 Island. Also, do you guys know how to hide a body? I mean, just wondering. *laughs nervously* You know, it's just a question, nothing else. It's not like I murdered someone or anything! *hears police sirens* Oh, dang it! Um, anyway, here's the chapter! *runs away* TRY AND CATCH ME, SUCKERS!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls, or the brilliant one-shot series by clicheusername1234, and I didn't just murder someone because of their opinion on the color green.

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Dinner was quiet that night, and Dipper felt Stan was staring at him, but every time he looked at him, Stan would act very interested in the clown painting across the room. This unnerved him a bit, what was Stan going to talk to him about? Did he know about the tree in the forest? If so, did he know about the journals, too? He couldn't stand to eat anymore of his borsch, he felt sick to his stomach.

Finally, Stan cleared his throat. The twins both looked at him.

"Um, well, goodnight kids. I'm heading to bed. But, uh, Dipper, please come with me." Stan walked out of the room, and Mabel looked at Dipper curiously.

"What does he want you for?" She asked. He shrugged.

"I don't know, but I think he wants to talk to me about something." He answered. Mabel gave him a thumbs up, and smiled. He smiled back, and walked out the door, following close behind Stan. They walked until they came to Stan's office. Stan opened the door, and let Dipper inside. Stan sat down at his chair, and Dipper stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

"Please, sit down." Stan motioned to a small chair over by the left wall. Dipper grabbed it brought it over in front of the desk. He sat down, and wondered what Stan was going to talk about.

"Look, Dipper, I know you're a smart kid, but what happened in the woods today was extremely dangerous. You may not know it, but there are people out there who will KILL you because of it." Dipper's eyes widened. Stan knew about the tree?! What else did he know about?

"You- you saw?" Dipper squeaked. Stan nodded, making Dipper's stomach feel fluttery with nervousness.

"Yes, I did. Dipper, you need to be careful. Because if that happens again, the people who find you won't be forgiving. They will do everything they can to kill you, and they'll kill Mabel, me, and even your parents. Never do that again!" He shouted, his voice stern and angry. Dipper squealed, and nodded. Stan regained his composure, sighing.

"I'm sorry, Dipper. I just want you to and Mabel to be safe. Please don't do that ever again. Do you understand?" Dipper nodded, feeling a bit shaken up.

"Good. I'm glad you won't be doing anymore singing." Stan said, leaving Dipper in confusion.

"W-what?" He asked, dumb-founded.

"You know, you sang that parody in the forest. It was like a parody of Let it snow from that movie, Icy. Now people hate Let it Snow, and all kinds of parodies of it are old, so they really hate it." Stan answered, and Dipper felt like banging his head against a wall. He was being so serious because of his singing?! That was IT?! What- how- WHY? He felt confused, and placed a hand on his forehead.

"Um, I'll just go to bed now." Dipper quickly rushed out of the room, trying to clear his head. That was ridiculous! It just because he sang a parody?! He shook his head. It was probably best not to think about it anymore. Dipper climbed into bed, and soon fell asleep, while thinking about the borsch he didn't eat.

* * *

Dipper woke up the next morning, feeling refreshed and relieved, though he didn't know why. He yawned, and stretched.

"Hey, Mabel, wake up." He said gently, and shook her. She groaned, and mumbled her familiar line, "Never, let me sleep forever." Dipper frowned a little bit, and grabbed her Wolf-man Bare Chest novel she was borrowing from Grenda.

"Oh, Mabel, I sure hope nothing BAD happens to your Wolf-man Bare Chest book!" He teased, and Mabel sprung out of her bed, yelling, and punching Dipper in the jaw by accident.

"HYYYAHH! LEAVE GERARD ALONE, YOU MONSTER!" She screamed. Dipper cried out in pain, and stumbled backwards.

"Mabel! Ow! That really hurt!" He shouted. Mabel apologized, and patched him up. He now had a band-aid on his chin where Mabel had punched him. They both got dressed, and went downstairs for the day. It was a pretty lazy day, and it was over quickly. Dipper decided now would be the best time to investigate the tree.

He cleared his throat, and announced, "Well, I think I'm just gonna go for a walk in the woods right now. By myself. Alone. Without singing..." He went on, and Mabel approached him.

"Wait! Can I come, too?" She asked eagerly. Dipper sighed.

"Sure. Fine." Mabel smiled, and shouted to Wendy. "Hey, Wendy! We're going for a walk! Wanna come with?" Wendy laid her magazine down. She shrugged with a smile.

"Yeah, sure." Dipper groaned internally, why was everyone suddenly interested in coming with him on this possibly life changing walk? Before he could object, Soos came over and joined the group. Dipper face-palmed.

"Um, well guys, I was just gonna go by myself..." He trailed off.

"Aw, what?! Pbbbt!" Mabel blew a raspberry, and Wendy nodded.

"C'mon, Dip, it'll be fun! Walk trip! Walk trip! Walk trip!" Wendy chanted. Dipper sighed, defeated. "Fine, fine. But I'd like to check something by myself. Will you guys let me do that? It's really important!"

"Yeah, but if we find what you're looking for, can we explore it, too?" Mabel asked. Dipper mulled this over a moment. Would it really be the safest thing to do? What if they got hurt? What if something bad happened? Well, they could be safe as long as they took care of themselves, right? Dipper felt a bit uncertain. Finally, he answered.

"Alright, but be careful. Wait, maybe we should get some weapons to defend ourselves or something..." He trailed off. They all shared a look, and Mabel sighed.

"C'mon, Dipper, we can handle ourselves! If you're so paranoid, you should know that I have my grappling hook with me at all times." Wendy gave a nod.

"Yeah, and I always have my axe with me. It's good for defending myself, and slicing bread." She gave a smile, and Soos agreed.

"Yeah, dude! I also have, um, well my fists, you know. they're good, I guess." Dipper sighed, giving in. "Alright, guys! You can explore it, too. Wait-" Dipper grabbed a lantern, and quickly lit it. They all gave a cheer, and they set off into the forest. They stayed on the main path, and Dipper looked around, trying to find the tree he'd found yesterday.

He didn't notice that Wendy had spotted the tree that he was looking for.

"Hey, guys, check this out!" She called to them, and Dipper immediately rushed over. The tree still had the small door open. Wendy reached a hand inside and flipped a few of the switches.

"This is weird. Hey Dip, was this what you were looking for?" She asked. Dipper nodded eagerly, and Wendy looked up, noticing the metallic branch.

"Hey, is it just me? Or does that branch kinda looks like a lever?" She asked, pointing at the branch. Dipper looked at it closely, and nodded.

"Huh, yeah. But how are we gonna get up there? Seems like we need a ladder, or something?" He babbled on, not noticing Wendy unbuckled her belt, and had started climbing up the tree by pulling herself up. She fastened the belt to her when she reached the branch, and pulled out an axe. Twirling it around, she hit the branch, and it pointed upward, revealing a metal like mechanism.

"Boosh." She smiled, turning back to the others. The all stared at her in awe, smiling at her feat.

Placing the axe back in her pocket, she said, "Oh, yeah. My dad used to make me compete in Lumberjack games when I was a kid. I guess I kind of ruled at it." The tree and ground beneath it began to shake, causing Wendy to fall off. She fell in a bush, and groaned. The ground began to lower, and she cried out.

"WHOA!" She shouted, and the others rushed forward, pulling her up. They all stared incredulously at the gaping hole as stairs popped out, and a door opened,. They all looked shocked to see this, and Dipper smiled excitedly.

"Alright, guys! This is it! Remember, whatever happens down there, we tell no one." Mabel gave a thumbs up, Soos put his hat on backwards, and Wendy made the lock and key gesture on her mouth.

"Alright! Now, who wants to go first?"

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A/N: Well, looks like they're going "Into the Bunker"! Hah! See what I did there? I just used a pun! Sorta. Ah, never mind. Anyway, I want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to The Raven of Dark Moon Death! Also, just a question what gender do YOU think Geisvi is? A boy or a girl? Thanks for reading, and please review!


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